failures | 034 [video]

[The feed opens to a very sickly Larry, who is covered in a mountain of blankets. His skin his flushed, and he's visibly shivering and sniffling. Basically, he's been dealing with a killer fever for a few days now. And with all of this weird power and mutation business going on, something's crossed his mind more than once. He decided to take to the network about it.]

So uh... [sniffle] Has anyone else gotten really sick but didn't get freaky powers and stuff? 'cause I've been sick and really cold for forever and a half and I feel kinda cheated...

[And just as he trails off, he starts coughing. And since he's Larry, he doesn't cover his coughs so he tilts his head to get it out of the way.

Just when he thinks he's done, one last cough comes out...and so does a gob of fire.

He stares down off-screen where the Ember attack landed, frightened and in awe at the same time. Did he seriously just cough up a fireball?]

... Never mind.

[Still staring, he then realizes oh god fire in the bed FIRE IN AN INN. As he dives to put the fire out, the feed cuts out.]

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I dunno...see what I can do with 'em? Maybe I can roast some marshmallows with just my fingertips! That'd be sweet.

_{[Henry's eyes grew wide. Larry almost read his mind!]}

Oh, yeah, yeah! That's perfect! And you could fry bacon and everything!

Dude, that would be the coolest! I'm practically a portable campfire, stove, and grill all in one!

[What is even happening here...]

You need a super hero name.

_{[Something beautiful.]}

Yeah! I could be like the Steel Samurai, but with fire powers!

[Yep, he actually played a super hero in a live play...]

Who's the Steel Samurai?

_{[8I Henry doesn't remember that comic.]}

Only the most popular kids show superhero! Well, back home anyway. He protects Neo Olde Tokyo from the Evil Magistrate! He fights with his trusty spear, and has a bunch of cool moves.

Huh. I guess you can be the Sizzling Samurai.

... Dude. DUDE! That's perfect! You sure you don't come up with superheroes for a living?

[Yes he is easy to impress.]

I don't...but if I ever go home--

_{[Aaaand then Henry spaces out. Because he suddenly remembers he was on the edge of facing down a serial killer and a premature god fetus monster and probably wouldn't get to go into making up super heros for a living if he went home.]}

[... That's rough, buddy.

Larry watches Henry space out, then waves his hand in front of the screen.]

Uh, hello? You okay?

_{[Sorry, Henry's not home at the moment. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone.]}

...

[... Now this is just starting to creep Larry out.]

C'mon man! Get with it!

Woah! Sorry about that, Sizzling Samurai.

[Larry decides to repeat his question now that Henry is back among the living.]

Are you okay, man?

Ahah, yeah. Anyway...

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